He has Autism; not a discipline problem.

This is Joseph. Most of you know him from Facebook since I'm mildly (moderately) addicted and take photographs like most people take candy and some of you have had the awesome opportunity to meet him in person.

Even fewer know that he's autistic.

Joseph was a thousand percent born this way. From day one I suspected autism because genetics are a bitch and he was different than Mathew, Reyna, and Lindzy. I don't say that in a negative way; merely that they had certain traits and milestones but he never did.

I used to try desperately to calm him down; cuddling and rocking him, singing over and over but no matter what I did he just wanted to be alone. He wouldn't eat unless he was in his bed with a bottle propped up - I wasn't even allowed to hold it most times.

Breast-feeding was a hassle, obviously, since he didn't want held while eating. He'd fuss and unlatch so many times my nipples were cracked until finally I gave in and let him be alone. And, while he was alone he needed a particular set of toys in a particular order or he'd refuse to sleep.

He rarely acknowledges his name or instructions and contrary to popular belief it's not because he's a "terrible" child and it definitely isn't because I'm a terrible mom.

He just doesn't hear us. His hearing isn't the problem - he has aced that test - but we don't exist sometimes. If you think it's annoying to hear me try and correct him multiple times then put yourself here.

It's not fun for us either.

He wanders everywhere constantly, there is little to no reason behind it. Short of holding him in place while he kicks and punches and screams in my face there isn't a lot to be done. We hover because he isn't aware of danger and I won't let him hurt himself during his wandering.

I will say this again: he isn't being bad.

When you see him melting down in public: he isn't being bad, his brain is literally wired differently than yours.

Those meltdowns can last an hour or more and on a fairly regular basis last at least 30 minutes.

A meltdown is completely different than a child throwing a fit. If you're not aware of the difference then you have no business judging us. "Being tough" does nothing. Trying to hold him sends him even further into a spiraling meltdown. He doesn't even acknowledge me when I give him exactly what he wanted because it's not about things.

His brain gets overwhelmed.  Do you have any idea how hard that must be for HIM?

 It's overwhelming for him and he reacts accordingly.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to "beat" the autism out of someone because it is a neurological disorder. You can't beat someone's brain into submission.

Yes, it hurts my heart when he doesn't respond like my other kids do. It hurts when he doesn't interact with me. It hurts when he ignores other kids because they're just not on his radar.

Of course it hurts when he barely looks me in the eye and he doesn't even know I exist 50 percent of the time.

But what doesn't hurt is how fucking amazing he is.

He's probably the most intelligent child I've had the opportunity to be around. His brain see things differently so most difficult things are extremely easy for him. He will track down a laundry basket from upstairs, then bring it downstairs so he can use it to climb onto the freezer and into the kitchen to get himself whatever he needs.

Who else has that kind of determination and ingenuity at two?

He allows me to find complete joy in the most mundane of things because everything is absolute joy. He doesn't half in and half out, he one thousand percent throws himself into the feeling and has the most beautiful genuine happiness I've ever witnessed.

His hugs are bone crushing.

And, he cuddles like a second skin; smooshed into my chest, head under my chin, and my arm wrapped around his belly like a seatbelt.

I wouldn't change him for the world.