Screw Being a Victim.

I get it.

You had a terrible home life: beatings, terror, starvation, anything and everything that is whispered about in horror happened to you. Abandoned and lost it's your mentality to stay there, to keep finding the same situations because you're used to it, because you're not worth anything more, or maybe just because it's easier being the victim.

I've been there.

I've endured abusive relationships and friendships, both physical and mental anguish so deep I cut my skin until the blood ran in place of my tears. I clawed my way into friendships that were the worst thing to happen to me, and then, barely conscious, broke my way back out.

Rather than asking for help [it's not a quality I posses] I pretended everything was alright. I pretended I was happy so well that I believed it.

I became an addict instead.

I spent years making myself miserable and happy with a meth pipe, with razors and lighters, with hatred and love both warring inside me. I knew I shouldn't be there but it was all I wanted because it was what I knew.

By the end I was so wrapped up in her and him that guilt still chokes my throat when I try to discuss it. Even free I bite my tongue, flinch and startle at every sound, cry to the flashbacks and tremble when I remember them.

But I escaped. 

I had a reason to change my mentality - I was pregnant.

Do I still have the occasional moment of terror when my husband is angry? Most assuredly. But I shake it off with defiance because now my cowering just makes me more angry. No longer will I stand for myself or my family being abused. It isn't a matter of self esteem [mine is still too low to even acknowledge] it's a matter of strength.

Strength can come from a fragile human growing inside you, it can come from being punched in the face and having your mind thrown over the gravel with words one too many times, but it ALWAYS comes from you.

I get to be me now and that's irreplaceable.

This advice comes from someone who has full experience with victim nature.

GROW UP!

Problems from the past affect everyone, even people who claim or seem to be well adjusted but that doesn't mean allowing someone to hurt you. It doesn't mean allowing someone to hurt someone you love either - shouldn't that be the catalyst that pushes you from victim to victor?

Who wants to be the victim all the time anyway - getting walked on, beaten so badly you end up in the hospital, hurting your family and friends by your unreasonable dedication to a person who destroys you. Step into a life filled with color and love and happiness by walking away from the things that will ruin you - you.

There is a right and a wrong you.

The wrong one is the one letting you be hurt. The wrong one lies on the floor cowering while he pulls back his boot to kick again. The wrong one makes excuses because the wrong one thinks it's what is right.

The right knows that's bullshit. This you is waiting safely in the background ready to take over once you allow it. This you is strong enough to fight back for both yourself and anyone else who might be harmed as a result of the wrong you.

Let the right you come out. Let it take over and rush through your broken soul until being a victim is no longer your choice but your past.