It happened.
I was headed to Centralia, planning on having my membranes swept for a (hopefully) successful induction the following day. It was incredibly nice out, Steven had to work, Lindzy was in school, so I was thankfully going alone. Almost immediately after pulling onto 508 I was behind a car who was going extremely slow. Anywhere from 20-30, he'd randomly speed up and then slow down, annoying but doable. I just waited until there was a safe place to pass, a straight stretch, a dotted line. He had slowed down to a low point again so I double checked for a blinker before passing.
No blinker.
So I turned mine on, pulled out, and started to pass. I was even with his car when he hit me, passenger door to his driver door so there's no way he missed me. But he must have somehow because there was only one set of tire marks on the road (and yes I went back to check) which were mine. I slammed on my breaks, tried to turn away, honked my horn, and then in an instant he was ramming into my car and I was up in the ditch with his car beneath me.
I didn't want to move. I wanted to pass out and let someone come rescue me like they do in movies because everything hurt and I couldn't breath past the fumes from the air bag. The smoke and air bag dust filled my eyes but I managed to find my phone, hoping to call 911. But, it was 508 and I had no cell service. I kept shutting my eyes, or maybe they kept shutting without my permission but I could hear the other man screaming so I knew I couldn't just sit there - obviously he needed help.
I managed to unbuckle but I was so far up the ditch that my door wouldn't stay open. I tried a few times opening it, giving up because it was too much work, then trying again before realizing I wouldn't be able to and just squeezed through as best I could with a 39 week pregnant belly and hardly any strength.
I fell.
As soon as I left the car my ankles and knees buckled underneath me and I landed in the grass. I pulled myself back up shaking and began walking again. It ended up being more of a fall/crawl down the ditch and I scrambled through the grass as quickly as possible because his screaming was renting the air.
Finally at his car I remember asking if he was alright, if he could get out, if he needed help. He just kept screaming, eventually saying he was stuck. I could tell my hands were shaking, then I realized my entire body was shaking and it didn't hurt anymore and figured shock had finally set in.
I used it to my advantage.
About a half mile down the road was a house and that was our only option because a few cars had driven past without stopping and my cell phone still wouldn't work. Yeah, I kept checking even though I knew I wouldn't find service. I started walking, his screams still tearing through me. I felt guilty, so terribly guilty even though I'd done everything right. Reyna wasn't moving. Hadn't moved since the crash and I wasn't even sure how long that had actually been. I was terrified, shaking, noticed some blood on my arm and feet but kept walking.
I reached the house, shouted at an old man outside that we needed an ambulance because I'd been in a car wreck and someone was still hurt and trapped inside. Then, because he was still there and still needed help, I turned around and went back.
By that time I was struggling not to cry. I was realizing she wasn't moving, my hands were shaking so hard that afterwards my arm muscles were sore from the movement. About halfway back I realized the old man was beside me on his motorized scooter asking if I was alright. I told him I was fine so he drove ahead. By the time I reached the cars there were some people there so I stopped at the edge and just stared.
I wanted to sit down and cry. I looked down at the "i love my daddy" painted across my giant stretched t-shirt and nearly dissolved. Tears were cutting into my throat making it hard to breath but I just stood there shaking refusing any help. Breaking down isn't my thing.
Eventually they made me sit in a man's car, my first thought was only that he could be kidnapping me. (Way too many cop shows.) But I sat. They kept asking if I was ok and I just kept asking about the other man and struggling not to cry. They kept saying I was in shock and shoving a blanket on me.
Quite some time later an ambulance showed up. Though the man was in more need, they couldn't remove him from the car so I was the first to go. Strapped to a board, lifted into the ambulance (terrified they wouldn't be able to lift my huge body) and forced to lie still as we went over bumps and around turns with them checking my pulse and rechecking my pulse because it was so high.
Finally at the hospital I could text my mom and husband. "Are you guys awake?" "Everything's fine, I'm totally fine, but I was in a wreck and I'm at the hospital." Never make anyone worry, y'know? Of course my bp was sky high, my pulse still in that shocky range, but I was out of the tear zone finally.
Until they couldn't find Reyna's heartbeat.
It took them 15 minutes of pushing and shoving into my stomach to find her. The whole time I was by myself, nails biting into my palms, teeth shoved into my bottom lip, doing everything I could to keep calm. They didn't monitor her very long, figured I'd be better off in the hospital I was giving birth at.
So I was discharged after they fixed me with orders to go to Centralia.
In the end she was fine, they wouldn't even let me deliver a day early so I had to come back the next day. I had tons of bruises, giant ones across my chest, boob, and stomach from the seat belt. I had cuts and bruises on my arm and wrist from smashing into the windshield, cuts on my foot and leg, but I still have no idea how I got those. I still have some problems in cars, mostly when I'm the passenger or a car is coming beside me. Tiny little panic attacks I try extremely hard to control because I'm never alone. But we made it.
And it could have been so much worse.
-hugs-
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