Do I Break Your Mold?

Everyone knows the people who receive welfare benefits are just drug riddled, fat, lazy fuckers who sit around all day spending your hard earned money on beer, tattoos, expensive items and coke to snort up their nose. We all KNOW they don't want to spend money on food rather than heroin so they apply for these benefits. We all know they keep having kids so they get more money from the people who actually work. We all KNOW they do nothing because they're lazy, have zero skills, don't have a job, and basically leech money and air that is better spent on the people who pay for them.

That's all fact. Right?

Except...

I'M a welfare recipient. I don't use drugs. I drink once every 7 months. I have a 4 year degree. My husband works full time and attends college full time. I stay at home with our children because daycare is too expensive and I have mental and physical health problems that make working impossible.

I'm not lazy.

I chase around 4 children every day, one of whom is a tiny terror that is a living breathing reincarnation of the phrase YOLO so I am literally on my feet more often than not. I crawl around, I go down slides, I push on swings, I get up, then down, then up, then down because someone is always unhappy, I play peek a boo, I read baby books over and over and over, I cook dinner, I clean every corner of my section 8 house, I do our finances, I look over my husband's college work, and I spend every waking minute with my children.

I do have 4 children. It's excessive, even I think so. Why do I have 4 children? Because my government health insurance refused the permanent birth control I wanted two kids ago and #sorrynotsorry I choose to still fuck my husband. And really, should I have expected twins?

I DO have tattoos.

Tattoos that I worked to pay for.
Tattoos that I got for free.
Tattoos that friends who design and ink professionally did for a very low price.

Tattoos that my husband saved up money for with every birthday, holiday, or anniversary present to pay for. Rather than buying each other gifts we save up money for things that will last forever like permanent bonding that I can stare at everyday or things to remind myself that I DO mean something even when my insides are crumbling apart - pieces of art that live on my flesh rather than my walls because I choose to decorate something I hate with something I love.

I have piercings. But, all of them were done while I was working and able to pay for them or I did them myself. I haven't had a new one in 6 years even though my body itches for another.

Being lumped into the drug riddled population is insulting. Being told that by using food stamps or any form of government help I am enabling myself to become a drug addict is insulting. Reading that people believe they are contributing to the drug towns by paying into government aid is insulting.

I dug my way out of that life with willpower and came out on the other side with dirt crusted and bloodied fingernails from the fight. To imply that I am still in that life is insulting and something I will not tolerate.

 I was never on government assistance of any form while using drugs, only afterwards while I was attending college, working, and trying to better my life did I need it. It's there to be a stepping stone to better things, sometimes those better things take longer than a person expects and that's ok.  It was and is my stepping stone. I needed help paying for food while I got a 4 year degree, worked, and took care of my child alone. I chose to feed her rather than worry about my pride or what it might look like to other people, how terrible am I?

So, I'm not uneducated. There's another misconception. I'm not living off the state because I have no schooling or skills, my husband isn't working at McDonald's and getting food stamps because he has no skills; we're doing what we have to in order to survive until we can make it on our own. We are WORKING on making it on our own, not sitting at home on our lazy asses collecting your hard earned money.

Oh wait.

It's also our hard earned money since he's working, right? Not only that, but welfare actually receives a pretty pitiful amount of your taxes.

I do have nice things and my kids are always dressed impeccably when we're out. That's because I was raised poor and I know how to shop sales and clearance in thrift shops. And, because I have friends.

My BIL gave us his xbox, kinect, games, controller, and a bunch of computer parts for my husband to build his own. I have a computer that I bought on sale for school years ago. Our daughter has a computer because my husband had 3 when we first got together and he's good at updating and fixing them. You kind of have to be good at fixing when you're poor.

Because of amazing friends, we have awesome kids toys that they fill our home to the point of annoyance.

We have an incredibly nice van that we are paying 50 dollars a month for to my in-laws because they knew we needed the extra seating. (see above, 4 kids, welfare insurance and all)

I also have a decent smart phone with internet access because I got the phone free with my 2 year contract and the data comes with my friend's plan that I kind of infringe on because I can't afford my own.

Why is it alright to judge and assume about other people just because they're poor? What if they've just become poor enough to need government assistance and still have a host of nice things? Selling them won't get you anywhere near what they're worth. Trust me, I've pawned many a things just to get some tampons for a never ending period.

I feel shame every time I swipe that EBT card, every time I pay rent, every time I use WIC, and I can't look anyone in the eye if it's apparent that I'm doing either. I had a super great Wal-mart employee the other day who apparently didn't hear the part about discretion during her training and shouted about my WIC purchases a good twenty times for all the surrounding people to hear. I never once looked up because I didn't want to deal with the stares or judgement.

That's what you people do. You make us feel like shit because we are using a service that's intended to help because you assume. Because you don't know us. Because you think you have that right.

I use government assistance and I am not a freeloader or a drug addict. Do I break your mold?