I Pretend

My natural personality pounds against the walls of my insecurities; fists raw and bleeding.

This thing that's slowly taking me over, enveloping every piece of my personality, has turned me into an anxious overly controlled mess.

My initial reaction claws at my insides, laying strips of what I can't fight bare.

I acquiesce.

I pretend.

This mask I wear stapled to my face with anger and terror is a perfected piece of art.

The world has invaded me.

Surrounded everything I used to be with restrictions and fears and I choke on the ideals forced down my throat.

Blood dripping from the razors edge.

This isn't me.

This socially accepted, dying inside, version of the girl I used to be is constricting what little life I have left until my breath dances over that edge between too little and just enough.

There is no just enough anymore.

Soon I'll be swallowed beyond recognition and drowning in my own lies.

*A very raw intense version of my day to day life.