Am I Raising My Kids To Be Too Strong?

I'm pretty sure I'm raising my kids to be too strong and independent. Aside from making it difficult on myself (seriously, have you ever tried to convince a strong willed child to do something?) sometimes I worry it's hurting them. Sure it'll be beneficial in the long run which is kind of the point but currently it's causing nothing but pain for my amazing gorgeous 9 year old.

My end goal is giving her the confidence to be herself regardless of everyone else; to feel comfortable enough to say no to anything and not be pressured into any decision, to fucking love herself.

100% of the time.

I worry that my inability to have that confidence and love has pushed me to force too much on her. I'm terrified she'll some day be convinced to do something she knows is wrong or doesn't want to do because she doesn't have the confidence and strength to say no. So, I've devoted my life to making sure that doesn't happen. Only now I'm afraid I was too successful.

That's a weird thing to worry about, I know. "I've done too well giving my daughter the confidence to be herself regardless of who does or doesn't approve" boo hoo.

But, she's having a really hard time in school purely because she won't submit to what certain kids think she should be. Her hair is stupid, (I'm pretty sure they're mispronouncing awesome) she's stupid, dogs are dumb, she can't draw, "ugh Lindzy is here, again." She likes to pretend she's a dog sometimes and loves drawing them. We've even been watching YouTube tutorials and learning random things for an hour every single night lately just so she can improve.

Wouldn't it be easier to just give in? To pretend like she doesn't enjoy dogs? Easier to just.... Fit in.

But she refuses. "No one can change who I am except me." I nearly applauded her and cried simultaneously when she said that. This is literally what I've been working so hard to achieve. But, at what cost?

Before moving here she was bullied to the point of tears every single day. She begged me not to send her to school and wanted to be home schooled instead. She gave up telling teachers about the abuse after being told it "wasn't a big problem" and to "ignore it" and just kind of deflated. She went from being a child who was extremely passionate about learning and school and new experiences to a person that just wanted to sit inside alone all the time.

I kept telling her this boy's opinion didn't opinion matter. His friends didn't matter. What he thought didn't matter. That the words he spewed for hours every single day in her face meant nothing because she knew who she was: someone strong and beautiful and capable and perfect and weird and amazing.

Now she's just a little timid. She's still herself but she's terrified and anxious that around every corner another person is going to be standing there ready to degrade her again.

Is her strong will and confidence hurting her? I'm pretty sure it is. I'm pretty sure I'm raising her to be too strong and independent. If she gave in and stopped drawing dogs and wolves (extremely well) then maybe she could make an extra friend and she wouldn't be bullied.

But, she'd also lose a piece of her soul. She'd lose what makes her so freaking happy. She'd lose what makes her unique. She wouldn't be her anymore.

This strong and confident 9 year old girl makes me so proud. I know that she's going to be herself no matter what. I believe she'll keep sticking up for people who are getting bullied. I am confident she'll never be talked into anything she thinks is a bad idea because she doesn't care. She doesn't care what other people think is the correct response or fashionable or the appropriate thing to like. She's going to make her own choices and as much as it hurts me to watch her get made fun of currently I will never tell her to let go of herself to please others. Instead I will embrace and celebrate the crazy independent strong child I have raised.

"We aren't RUDE in this house. That's my sister, stop it!"