I often joke he's my very own Dexter, without all the murder and saving blood drops on scientific slides. Despite what he is he has developed a fairly strong moral code that I respect.
He wouldn't feel bad about killing someone, but he would never do it.
He has a ridiculously loving relationship with our dog and his dog prior - Kiki's death still brings him to tears when he talks about it.
He doesn't notice things like the garbage overflowing or his laundry lying in piles throughout the house because it's beneath his scope of caring. It doesn't matter.
He's selfish. Would play video games for ten hours and be completely baffled by my anger at his refusal to enjoy his family.
He loves his children. Many things can be said about him, but never a contradiction to this. They mean more than ruling the world (see what I did there?) even though he has difficulty expressing it.
He will never cheat because he finds it illogical.
He doesn't understand accidental emotional pain. If he didn't mean to hurt me then I shouldn't be hurt. It makes for a difficult relationship at times because I suffer from emotional problems of my own.
We watch television together while holding hands (which is always initiated by him because my emotional problems don't allow me to put myself out there) and car drives are spent with our fingers tangled up in each other and non stop talking. He loves touch to the point of annoyance on my part, which he won't catch.
Because that's something, he doesn't catch many social cues. Even telling him to stop a conversation because it's making myself or someone else uncomfortable doesn't always work. "I'm sorry I made you angry about the religion thing. But I WAS right, in the past this...." Great apology husband.
When he was diagnosed, though he suspected from a very young age, I was completely thrown off. He'd always said he was a sociopath but I assumed he was exaggerating because like most people, I believed the propaganda that being a sociopath meant not loving.
I was wrong.
He does feel. It's something that has evolved through our relationship actually. Some things I say hurt him, bother him, might even anger him to an extent. A part of his sociopathy is loving praise and hating critique so wording is something else I need to work on.
He loves to play with our children. Everything from video games to archery (our daughter is pretty awesome). He legitimately enjoys doing things with them, even if I sometimes have to force him to think about something other than what he (originally) wants.
A friend described it as mourning a child who is born with downs or some other abnormality - you still love them exactly as they are but you have to deal with the fact that it doesn't match the picture in your head.
I didn't expect to be in a relationship like this, let alone a marriage with two (nearly four!) children. We argue a lot because my idea of a father and husband and responsibility don't always mesh with his personality. Originally I thought he was simply childish, that eventually and if we dealt with it enough, he'd grow up and change.
I now know that's not the case.
So yeah, my expectations have to change, the way I deal with him have to change, and so does his automatic obliviousness to my feelings and his surroundings.
It'll come.
He's always going to need reminding that it's been four hours and it's time to pay attention to something other than himself.
He's always going to have to be given specific directions when it comes to helping around the house or with the kids because none of it really registers in his mind.
He's always going to grab me in the middle of a public location and slow dance to whatever song happens to be playing, as embarrassing as I find it, because I also love it.
Our children are always going to love that.
He's always going to love us no matter what. And really, that's the only thing that matters.
Love the insight here!
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