My partner is a little 3 month old girl who demands
quite a lot of my attention and every single part of my
heart. "Having a child is having your heart go walking around
outside your body." Completely true, it's also this agonizing ride of
terror and thrill all at the same time.
I spend my days getting swatted in the face while
simultaneously getting my hair jerked on and stomach kicked at. (That was extremely fun while healing
from a C-section and then gallbladder surgery.) I smell like puke and breast milk
even though I'm not breast feeding anymore - what's up with that anyway - and
most days I don't change from my pajamas. Seriously, how does my husband stand me?
When he gets home it's all I can do to keep from
shoving the terror that I know and love onto him and go escape to the bathroom
for like a second of relaxation. And yes, I'm aware how horrible it is to know that my relaxation consists of sitting in
the toilet with my phone. But, what I enjoy even more, is watching him hold
her; them both smiling so big it takes over their entire face. Something about
watching her father love
her settles the craziness I've gotten during the day.
Now I am certainly not one of those completely
selfless mothers who never takes time for themselves, mostly. I do take a shower every now and again where I'm not
listening to a screaming baby or my 6 year old asking for food as her dad sits
on the couch in front of the computer or holding the baby in there with me cuz
"it's just faster."
Those showers generally involved me sitting on the
floor freaking out for a few minutes so that I can gather myself enough to go
back out and be a good mom again. Sometimes that's all a person can do.
No comments:
Post a Comment